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GoetzOFF ON TRIAL

Alleged crime boss ‘extremely gratified’ to have his day in court.

By Jack N. Hoff

Palm Springs, CA — Alleged Coachella Valley crime boss Neil Goetzoff returned to court for a third day of what has already been an unconventional and dramatic trial.

Goetzoff again appeared to relish the opportunity to face justice. Forgoing his trademark trench coat, he instead wore a tailored three-piece suit, knit silk tie, and a broad, satisfied smile. Grinning, he surprised reporters with an impromptu statement, declaring that he was “extremely gratified” to be appearing in court.

Inside, Goetzoff continued to revel in the legal spotlight, frequently turning the courtroom into a stage for his own amusement.

During witness testimony Goetzoff appeared attentive. At times he could be heard audibly sighing, prompting judge Tanya Tywell to threaten him with a gag order. Tywell’s warning was apparently misunderstood by Goetzoff who let out a spontaneous moan before biting his thumb and responding, “Yes, please!” adding that he had been a “bad boy.”

His predilection for courtroom drama adds a salacious layer to an already sensational case. While legal observers speculate as to the motives behind this fetishistic eagerness, Goetzoff continues to navigate the justice system with dexterity .

As the trial draws on, the public awaits with bated breath, wondering what hidden agenda lies beneath Goetzoff’s obvious delight in the legal proceedings. Most anticipate he will get off on all charges.


Travel & Leisure
BEST COCKTAIL BARS
Palm Springs, CA — 

  So how does one find these hidden gems? The answer is as varied as the bars themselves. Some, like DTLA’s The Varnish, are speakeasies in name only and openly promote their address. Others require a little more ingenuity—like knowing which of more than a hundred door knobs to turn to get into Lock & Key or that the old refrigerator in that garage sale on North El Centro is actually a portal to Good Times at Davey Wayne’s. There are even secret bars inside secret bars (but we’ll keep you in the dark on that one). When in doubt, the best approach is to ask around. Meanwhile, here's a hint: If you're into Travel & Liesure, be sure to check out what Southern California's Super-Secret Bars have “on tap”. It will be revealing.


P.S. BEAT

The Latest News from Around the Coachella Valley

By Sr. Editor Neil Goetzoff

Palm Springs — Area cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Cathedral City — Couple arrested having sex in elevator. Police say their acts were “wrong on many levels.”

Desert Hot Springs — Area man who recently came into a bunch of money says experience is new. Confirms: “I usually just use a tissue.”

Palm Springs — New Cannabis Studies course requires students to watch a documentary on marijuana; most agree that all documentaries should be watched that way.

Cathedral City — New development in 60’s-era cold case. Dean Lavine agrees to testify on condition of anonymity.

Indio — Gang of mimes commit unspeakable crimes.

Thermal — Anonymous group known as “grammar police” continue campaign of late-night ‘rogue editing’; Authorities unsure who or whom is responsible.

Coachella — Vandalism and graffiti on the rise; Authorities caught by surprise but residents say writing was on the wall.

Classified Advertising

MIRACLE CURE

KILLS ANOTHER PATIENT

Story, Page A12

Palm Springs, CA — Last Sunday, the Field Club was packed with spectators eager to see the latest spectacle put on by the Junior Chamber of Commerce: a donkey baseball game! In this variant of the game, all players except the pitcher and catcher ride a donkey. The batter jumps on a donkey to ride to first base. It was an afternoon of laughs and thrills and packed with gay entertainment, despite the celebrity team not showing up The donkeys provided their share of bucking and kicking!

Highlights included Eddie Dix’s powerful stroke and vicious donkey riding, and Garfield Butts’ long fly—meaning Garfield The Evening Citizen the air after being bucked off while trying to reach first base. But Dix and Butts weren’t the only ones up in the air; others who gave exhibitions of how to fly from a donkey's back to the ground were: Pat Myaz, Kenny Dewitt, Drew Peacock (who had to be Citizen hit for in the second), and other Junior Chamber boys.

This is one kind of baseball where batting isn't everything! The score? Well, It really doesn’t matter. Some say it was 3 to 3 but there are as many who say it was 0 to 0. The donkeys gave too good a show to worry anyone about the final tally.

COACHELLA Valley — Saturday night is a Big Night, ALWAYS! is Saturday night is the annual FIREMEN'S BALL! At eight o'clock Jeff “Buster” Heiman willstrike up his band of Hollywood Collegiates for the annual ball which draws the Valley’s biggest dancing turn-out. The Firemen's Ball takes place at oolhouse auditorium and a hidden Red cardboard helmets have been provided for more than 300 guests. A full complement of volunteers bar he on hand to lend color to one of Palm Springs’ biggest dancing events!


See ‘Reservations’ — page A4


Coin-Operated Laundry in Palm Springs

All Washed Up?

PALM SPRINGS, California — Residents living near the popular Arenas night life district will soon need to find somewhere new to handle their weekly fluff-and-fold. The longtime laundromat, Mr. Bubbles is closing amid scandal. A three-month investigation revealed that the popular coin-op was laundering more than just clothes. “Mr. Bubbles” was far from squeaky-clean business,” a lead investigator told The Evening Citizen, on condition of anonymity, “it was a actually major money laundering operation.” He added that the use of a laundromat as the front business was an “ironic coincidence.” Those wishing to learn more about this shadowy underground organization are encouraged to click here.

Ed. Note: The Evening Citizen has agreed to take over the former Mr. Bubbles space to provide much need office space for its expanding Palm Springs bureau.

Crime Family Accused of Nepotism

Feds Say ‘Family Business’ Taken Too Literally

By Hunter J. Dog

Palm Springs, CA— The notorious Penale crime family has been rocked  by charges of nepotism by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). The indictment marks a milestone in the ongoing effort to tackle organized crime in Coachella Valley. It’s the second in a series of high profile cases; the trial of rival Russian crime boss Neil Goetzoff is already underway.

This case centers around three of the Penale family’s businesses— Good Fellers, a chain of arboricultural services well-known as a front for high-stakes gambling and extortion; Mr. Bubbles, the recently folded money-laundering coin-op; and “Penale Brothers Pest Control” which advertises 24-hour extermination services of, in their words, “anything that bugs you.” CEO Don Vito Penale is accused of appointing relatives to key roles in an effort to expand the family’s power.

Federal investigators say they have evidence showing that Don Vito orchestrated the placement of his children, nephews, and his distant cousin, Vinny, in key positions based on bloodline rather than merit. It’s no coincidence, say investigators, that at all six locations of the Penale tree-trimming chain family members were hired as Branch Managers. Behind the front, the most lucrative criminal roles were also given to members of the family tree. 

EEOC prosecutor, Maria Giustizia, laid out the implications of the charges, “By planting family members in influential positions, Don Vito cultivated an environment of impenetrable favoritism. Non-related employees were relegated to lower-level positions, with no chance of advancing to higher-paying roles such as extortionist, assassin, or director of racketeering. As a result, honest, hard-working employees had no opportunity to reap the benefits of the larger criminal enterprise.” 

Defense attorneys for the Penales have vehemently denied the charges. “The Penales have deep roots in their community,” argued defense attorney Dean DeLuca. “This prosecution is an overreach, attempting to criminalize family bonds and business associations.”

As the legal battle unfolds, the case against the once-unassailable Penale Empire finds itself in the eye of a legal storm, with the potential to uproot their deeply entrenched criminal empire.


See “
FAMILY MATTERS” Page D3


INSIDE
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    20th Century
    Gin / Lillet Blanc / Creme de Cacao / Lemon Juice
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    Brandy Smash
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    Scofflaw
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  • True Mai Tai
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    Singapore Sling
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  • • • Beer (500ml) • •

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    • • WINE • •

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canary melon. Flavors of guava, Meyer lemon, and cucumber. Lively finish. ½ Bottle.
    $25

    • Banshee Pinot Noir

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    • • SPARKLING • •

    • Drappier Brut Rosé

    A Champagne as smooth and satiny as one of J. Edgar Hoover’s evening gowns. Hint of stoned fruits. ½ Bottle.
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    • POL Clement Brut

    Aromas of dried fruit, white flowers, toast. Loitering citrus finish. Split $16

    • Chandon Brut

    Fresh, subtly complex flavors of citrus, pear, almonds, and lilies of the field. 
½ Bottle.
    $35

MARKETS:

Raisin: Market dries up

Dirigible Industries: Stock Price Inflated

BDSM: Hits new bottom

MARKETS: Raisin: Market dries up ▲ Dirigible Industries: Stock Price Inflated ▼ BDSM: Hits new bottom ▲